The garden was green and lush. The smell of every flower, herb, and tree filled the air. This place was heaven on Earth, absolute beauty. The man, sitting on a rock, was tall, dark, and very handsome. He knew this garden well, like the back of his hand. He was well acquainted with the dust of the ground, for he was formed from within it. Next to him was a sight to behold: a woman, tall, with olive skin and dark, curly hair. They complemented each other perfectly. After all, she was his suitable helper; the woman was formed from a rib that was taken from the man’s side. As they sat on the rock together, soaking in the sun, feeling the cool of the breeze across their naked flesh, movement from within a nearby tree caught the women’s eye. When she approached, she found a creature perched next to what appeared to be the most intoxicating fruit she had seen thus far. The woman and this creature began to dialogue. Before long, the woman was convinced that the one who created her, the one who gave her to this perfect man in this perfect place, was in fact holding out on her. Not wanting to be contained by rules and perimeters she closed her eyes, held her breath, and took a bite. She chewed slowly. As she opened her eyes, she discovered that she had not died. The woman then turned her attention back to the man. He saw what she had done and without hesitation he, too, took a bite. Suddenly, their eyes opened and in the moment, they went from God-conscience to self-conscience. They were never bothered before by being naked, they never had anything to hide. Now, though, their nakedness screamed out to them. So they ran and hid and began to make garments to cover themselves up.

The phrase “paper the cracks” refers to hiding problems or faults, especially arguments between people, to make things appear better than they are. When Adam and Eve made their coverings, they were essentially covering over the “cracks” that their choices and actions created. It was an external reaction to an internal feeling. Gone were the days of beauty, contentment, and fulfillment. Now, there was separation, not on their Creator’s part, but on their part. Where they once saw no faults, they’re now aware of every line, mole, freckle, and hair out of place. The cool breeze of the day has been replaced by the chilly reminder that they must work for what was once freely provided. But instead of accepting their role in this disaster, they pointed their fingers in every direction except at themselves. They took great pain in placing paper over the cracks.

Since the fall of man, we have perfected our ability to paper the cracks in our own lives. We live in a time of illusion. Through the use of social media, we can make ourselves appear to be whatever we desire. There are countless photo shopping apps that we can use to alter our appearance, remove or add a mole, give ourselves a tan, or brighten our smile. That’s because to be transparent, honest, accountable, and responsible leaves us vulnerable to be mocked by others. Deep down inside, I believe we crave to be our real selves. We want to be free. In order to do that, it would require us to be real. To be real means that we would have to be vulnerable. We have to take ownership of our cracks; we can’t continue to play the victim. We are not perfect. We are all flawed, we have all made mistakes that we wish we could forget. Psalm 51:6 in the Message Bible says, “What you’re after is truth from the inside out.” God already knew what Adam and Eve had done. His desire for relationship with them never changed, they decided to turn away from God. He already knows what we’ve done and what we’ve been through. Why paper the cracks when we can freely come to Him and receive His love, healing, and restoration?

I could have a simple crack beginning in the corner of my wall. I could choose to wallpaper it and wait to see what happens, all the while, hoping that any visitors to my home will not notice this patch-job I’ve done. When I can no longer keep up this façade, the damage is done. I will probably need to call a contractor to see what’s actually going on inside that wall. God is our contractor; He saw the crack before it was ever visible to our naked eye. Why would we not call on Him to do the repair work needed?

We are so consumed in this nation with appearance. “What will people think?” “How will this make me look?” We cover our outward selves with expensive clothes and make-up. We look like a million dollars on the outside, but on the inside, we feel like a cheap knock-off Barbie. Some of us would rather cut an arm off than admit that we made a mistake. We fear punishment. We fear retribution. We don’t want to lose the value we think we hold in the eyes of those looking to us. We so deeply desire to be liked, to be loved, and to be accepted. We will buy paper in bulk so we can keep up with papering over the insecurities we don’t want others to see. We will paper over the cracks we see in our relationships, as well. Our fear of being alone will override any red flags we see in the other person. We will make excuses for black eyes, verbal assaults, and infidelities. There’s such a pressure in this culture to achieve the picture perfect family with the two-story home surrounded by a white picket fence. To attain this, we’ll cover up any cracks we see in the driveway.

I became an expert at placing paper over the cracks in my life. I was a right-fighter. I played it tough; you were not going to see me cry. I did everything as perfectly as I possibly could. I excelled in everything I did. I was a performer, a true perfectionist. I got the job done. I graduated six months early from high school. I was an honor graduate in Air Force basic training and I was in the top percent of my class in technical training school. I put my Senior Airmen stripe on six months early. I kept my house clean and organized and had homemade meals on the table when my husband walked in the door. My children were well behaved. I wore these things proudly. However, on the inside I was a fractured, lost, abused little girl. I feared rejection. I wanted so desperately to be loved. I was people pleaser who needed everyone’s approval. I was naïve. I was emotional, but I was only really good at showing anger, and not so good at other emotions. I was scared and insecure. I felt unworthy and unlovable. I craved to feel order and structure internally, not just externally. Some of these things I have come to realize were a direct result of the abuse I endured; other things came as a result of the bad choices I made. I was faced with a decision one day: Do I continue being this “perfectly papered person” that I created or do I live as the free woman Jesus died for me to be?

I chose freedom.

I wanted to be the real me. So with Jesus by my side, His loving arms around me, we have begun peeling those layers of paper off and allowing the Father to smooth over those cracked places. It hasn’t been easy and I’m not finished yet, but I’m really beginning to like this new, free, paperless me. I really believe you will like the new you, too. Be brave, call on the Father, put those nails to use, and begin to peel that paper back.